Thursday, May 21, 2009

Remembering Goofing Off At Work


I was working at the Office Max Distribution Center... we used to play "tag" with this tape ball. She was a innocent caught in the crossfire. I can remember it like it was yesterday.

One of the guys that was in the "game" was standing about 30 yards away.. facing away from me. I had the tape ball (about the size of a softball) and he was in my sights. I had my laser sights locked on my target and I began a Bret Favre style hail-mary windup.

I bring my arm over and release the ball with the velocity of a patriot missile... I was happy inside knowing that this throw, when it struck my target, was going to destroy all and leave a heck of a welt. Perhaps sting for upwards of 15 minutes... OH THE JOY! I laughed maniacally.

Then... the tape ball I had fired on target with such precision, began to gently drift off course. I don't know if it was a breeze or maybe the simple flapping of butterfly's wings. But whatever it was... my perfectly aimed shot was NOT going to hit it's target. Oh the terror! I mean, I had unfurled a game ending shot and I though it was simply going fly right by my intended target and simply skip across the warehouse floor, and slide to rest under some dirty warehouse shelf. I was crushed.

BUT THEN... out of nowhere. SHE. Gloria! A more fitting name could not have been chosen by Tom Clancy himself. She was there. Stepping blindly and un-knowingly into the line of fire. My shoulder fired rocket of bubble wrap and packing tape, was now flying directly at the side of her head.

Then It Nailed Her.

The expression of fear, terror, shock and anger the likes of which I'd never seen or hope to see again came to her face through now watering eyes. I flurry of Spanish, English and a I think Japanese obscenities flew from her lips and she began to chase me and swat me with a clipboard... I think she put a Mexican voodoo curse on me that day.

Looking back now... I did fire the shot that ended the game, all it took was a innocent caught in the crossfire. We (the ones in the game) were all taken to the office and threatened within an inch of our jobs and all told that the "grab-assing and dick smacking" need to stop... THE WAR WAS OVER and I fired the last shot.

This achievement is on my resume to this very day